Reflecting on Things Past

I recently celebrated the anniversary of the day my life took a drastic change for the better.

Little did I know that would be one of the best things to ever happen to me – EVER. My life had become hopelessly stagnant. On the outside, you’d have thought I was sweet, mature, kind, caring, etc., but on the inside, I had become a monster – just to survive.  The future seemed like it’d never come and I’d be stuck where I was forever.

And then that day came. It happened so suddenly. At the time, it was so scary – I had no idea what was going on and just felt utterly lost and panicked.

Fast forward to the present, a lot of good has happened in my life and I’m just now beginning to look back and marvel at how much I’ve grown – and I am so blessed. Though I regret having had to become that person, because of other people’s BAD choices, I know within myself I will NEVER be that person again – I’m surrounded by too many good examples and too many people that care.

As I start this next chapter in my life, I realize, day by day, little by little, I’m getting stronger, smarter and more capable than I thought I could be – and that not only is life not meant to be lived in survival mode, but I don’t have to live in survival mode.

I know I am going to have ONE AWESOME LIFE because I choose to, regardless of what life has thrown and will throw at me. (That’s not to say I don’t feel a little scared or daunted, but I’m not hopeless. 🙂 )

I look at my screenplay projects and that excitement for my future manifests in my signature gleeful squeal. 😀 😀 😀  Woooohoooo!!!

On The Edge

I feel like I’m on the edge of who I am and who I want to be. I received some most-likely-life-changing news and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. This is coming from someone known to be extremely fearless – ( just ask Mama, I’m sure she could tell you several heart-attack-inducing stories!)

I think it’s always the fear of the unknown – being given an opportunity, pondering whether or not to take it and make that leap of faith, especially when you’ve been dealt a not-so-ideal hand in life. I’ve had to make that leap of faith several times in my life . It was indescribably scary. It was a shock. I literally became sick over it. Times were dark.

But  one of the things that kept me going through it all was hope.  Even in the darkest hours, it was always the hope, that no matter how bad my circumstances were, or how bad they became, I knew within myself that my future had to be better. As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized it has been better, it is better and it will continue to be better because that’s the choice I make.

So as I prepare for this most-likely-life-changing event, I choose to do my best, I choose to make the most of it, and I choose to hope – no matter what life throws at me.

Terri Maxwell’s grandpa told her something that literally saved her life: You get what you focus on.

I constantly tell myself this, especially now.

I’m also reminded of the beginning of that one Eminem song “Lose Yourself” (rap music is not my cup of tea) :

“Look, if you had one shot, or one opportunity
to seize everything you ever wanted, one moment,
would you capture it or just let it slip?”

I think this is that shot. This is my opportunity. This is what I’ve been waiting for and working for my whole life. This is my moment of truth.

 

 

 

 

 

Btw, my definition of hope (courtesy of Mama 🙂 ) is :

Hope = Desire + Expectation

Motivational Dream

Over the years I’ve read and been told of the importance of seeing one’s goals – motivation.  Last night in my dream, I inadvertently “saw” one of mine – I was negotiating the sale of my screenplays with Jerry Bruckheimer! Not the optioning, but the actual sale of them – because their productions were to begin shortly. It was so real…and right. I was in my element. It was AMAZING!!

Now that is what I call motivation. I can’t wait to write a post about how I actually did negotiate with and sell my screenplays to him – that’s going to be one AWESOME day!!!  Now I just need to finish my screenplays…… 🙂